Disclaimer: This post has "bad words" in it. Review our Theology of Swearing for why that is the case. However, if you are more offended by the "swear words" below, purposefully used, than what they are being used in reference to, we will keep you in our prayers. 

Without getting too far into the weeds of another Card Talk we haven't finished, The Book of Job is largely set up like a court case, a legal proceeding determining the innocence and guilt of various parties. The problem is trying to figure out who is in the dock: Is Job on trial or is God? One could argue both. 

For 30 chapters, Job's world was utterly decimated, and he has been defending himself against the series of charges leveled against him by his well-meaning, but really shitty friends. This verse begins Job's final series of oaths declaring his innocence before God and man. He is declaring once and for all that he has done nothing worthy of the evil that has befallen his life (BTW: he's right: he's completely innocent). How he begins is interesting, and the content of our Creed Card. 

When Family Values Matter

In Job 31:1, Job says that he "made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman." (New International Version, NIV) Some translations render this as a question rather than a statement (c.f. New Revised Standard Version, NRSV: “I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I look upon a virgin?).

He goes further in vs 9-12 detailing his avoidance of sexual sin. In particular, vs 9-10 reads:

“If my heart has been enticed by a woman,
and I have lain in wait at my neighbor’s door"

then let my wife grind for another,
and let other men kneel over her.

The Hebrew contains some wordplay between “enticed”  and “door" suggesting that “door” in this context is a euphemism for the vagina of neighbor’s wife/daughter. Yeah, Job went that far.  He, in Ancient Near East, patriarchal fashion, goes so far as to that his wife should be sold into sexual slavery if he committed a wrong (because women are property to be used by men). 

THINK ABOUT the SHEER insanity of this whole scene:a man of God swearing by his sexual integrity. Staking his holiness on his belief in "family values." 

He would not be fucking his neighbor’s wife, daughter, or maidservant.

Or his neighbor’s husband, son, or butler.

Or the young girls in the youth group. 

Or altar boys. 

He wouldn't sexually harass people at work.

Or school.

Or church.

He wouldn't be caught with male escorts, a second family, child-porn on his computer, sending unwanted dick-pics (are "wanted dick-pics" a thing?), having Craigslist hookups, or being a pedophile.

He wouldn't have his lawyer payoff multiple porn stars. 

He wouldn't, like many outspoken, "christian," "Family Values" politicians in the US, be guilty of any of the things above, nor the many others we blush to include herein.

Like many of the other cards, we originally made this one as a joke. There was no pressing theological or bibilcial fight we were trying to pick with its creation. But events over the past year have shined a light something that has always lurked in the darkness.

When They Don't

We, the creators of this game, shed the label of "Evangelical" a long time ago for various reasons. When we're honest, this is a bittersweet reality. 

We embraced the idea that The Church in the world maintains a dual role in the world: evangelism and edification. Sharing the "good news" of Jesus the Christ, and building community of the Church universal and local. Despite what some might think, we like treating the Bible as the sacred and inspired Word of God (though we'd fight over what each of those words mean, esp. when grouped together). We like the idea of people seeing themselves as holy and called to holy work, work that includes loving all people and creatures on this planet. We even like the idea that God calls us to all take responsibility for our own actions: that people can be unloving and evil, that this is wrong, and that wrongness can be called
"sin." Those are all evangelical values we can still embrace.

But when we look at what evangelicalism presents to the world most loudly, we are left wondering  

how the actual fuck has this movement so utterly lost its way ?

Anti-intellectual screeds expressed in unhealthy biblical literalism.  

One-issue politics undermining the broad swath of Scripture's call to care for all of the "least of these."  

The tacit and explicit embracing of racists, and a rebirth of xenophobic nationalism, while un-ironically  preaching about "loving your neighbor" and Scripture about "strangers" and "foreigners" in our midst.  

The rampant misogynistic and chauvinistic screeds, masquerading as conservative Christian values. As if women were not created in the image of God. As if someone with a vagina asking for equality in her day to day life is somehow equated with placing male headship under the stiletto heel of femi-nazis, a proverbial Ja'el slamming the spike through Sisera's deserving temple while he slept. 

All this evidenced through evangelicals who mock the #MeToo movement, call into question the faith of any woman who would question those who question her worth, and/or decry the ability of a female scholar to teach within or attend institutions of higher learning dedicated to Biblical studies or ministry. We've listened to a professor at a prominent, conservative Christian seminary tell a room full of mostly women that they were outside of God's will if they were not married and thought they could be in ministry. That professor was a divorced woman herself, showing self-hatred knows no bounds.

Often these are the same people who, during the past election, could not merely show their antipathy for candidate Clinton but, at best, chanted "lock her up," though at worst more commonly screamed "trump that bitch" on their way to and from Sunday morning services. 

These people who side against women and children when they support known/accused rapists, sexual assaulter, sexual harassers, and pedophiles, while denigrating anyone who comes forward with an accusation. We wonder how they read Jesus' words and actions with the woman caught in adultery. 

As we've said in the past, the Book of Judges shows what happens to a nation that makes excuses for the violence perpetuated against women. When a people get to the place where they will tolerate the abuse of women, to turn a blind eye, for some bullshit "higher good." When they all do what is right in their own eyes, pretending that they are still looking toward the divine. 

But perhaps we're crazy. 

But when we notice how white "Evangelicals" came out in droves to elect the Pussy-Grabber in Chief, and claim that this was God's will to save the nation, we hear echoes of 1 Samuel 8:4-18.

The highlights:

Israel: "Give us a king like other nations!”

Samuel: "This is a bad idea!"

God: "You know what, Sam? Fuck it: give them what they want. They have rejected me as their king, just like they always do, even though they pretend like they still serve Me. Let them learn the hard way."

Samuel: "You stupid bastards: you have no idea what you've done..."

[We highly recommend reading 1 Samuel 8:4-18 and comparing it to the current events.]

Perhaps this makes us so upset because we were raised in Christian homes by strong women (and men). 

Perhaps it's because we have sisters. 

Perhaps it's because we have female friends. 

Perhaps it's because the above three shouldn't matter because women are humans (you idiot).

Perhaps it's because we miss when it wasn't embarrassing to be an Evangelical. 

Perhaps it's because we are horrified by how utterly corrupted something that was supposed to be a divine force and model for good in the world has become.

Perhaps it's because we are decent human beings. Okay, probably not the last one. 

But what do we know: we made this game and you probably think we're going to Hell. 

Advanced Bible Nerd Note On Job 31:1: Some scholars argue that, given some Semitic cognates to the Hebrew word for "virgin" [בְּתוּלָה], and the context of the next 7 verses, Job is not talking about an actual virgin/young woman, or literal women at all.

They argue that this is a purely theological oath, that Job is saying he cut a real covenant (c.f. Noah, Moses, Abraham) to worship YHWH only, and no other; that this passage is specifically referring to the Virgin Anath, consort of Baal (aka Astatre aka Ishtar aka Venus). [c.f. Robert Gordis and Norman Habel]