(TL:DR It doesn’t work because you’re not Jesus.)

Note: this is a follow-up Card Talk on “Jesus writing something in the sand (probably what type of an asshole you are) [John 8:1-11]”

Look: like many of you, we grew up hearing and saying this phrase. And if we’re honest, the thought behind this pithy sentiment makes perfect sense.

Once we put aside the utter nonsense that “only God can judge me” (which is NOT biblical, and even if it were, that should terrify you), we realize that there is value in separating the person from the action.

Why? Because “all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). Or, more simply put, we all suck sometimes and we don’t want to be defined by our low/lowest moments. We are more than our mistakes. We are people. So we should separate the totality of the our person-hood from an action that we’ve committed, and extend that grace to others.

So we could say love people, hate what they (sometimes) do. We can then do the math on how often they do the offensive action, how bad we find the action, and a bunch of other hedonistic calculus.

This all sounds great, but in practice, it is virtually impossible.

Not only because we are fallible beings, but because language does not allow us to do this easily

Our Words Often Betray Our Hearts

We speak about groups of people and we group people by actions. Read that again. Think about it.

Need an example? Check your recent social history. Whatever group of people you just posted about/tweeted about on social media, lambasted on a phone call with your mother, screamed into the void while driving, meme-hated to your heart’s (dis)content (etc.) were just that: a group of people defined (in your mind) by their action(s).

Sure, there might have been an individual you were damning to Hell, but how often did they stand in for a type/group of person, and were those people defined by certain action?

Let’s make this easier:

• A liar = a person, who lies.

• A thief = a person, who steals

• A sinner = a person, who sins

This works for any “sin” you would fill in. Whether you hate “the gays,” “Trump supporters,” “social justice warriors,” people who talk about “both sides,” or people who switch lanes without signaling (even thought that last group has a special spot in the flaming pits of Hell). It all comes back to: “Hey, let me call you out and define you by the action that I do not like, and then pretend that I don’t see that very action I was talking about.”

Our point: are you ever really separating the person from the action, the sinner from the sin, especially if the very phrase is referring to them as a sinner?

Jesus’ Both/And Theology: An Exception to the Rule

As always, Jesus breaks in and complicates things. When a couple was caught in adultery, and the asshole patriarchy only brought the woman before Jesus, His words to and about her present one of the only examples of this sentiment being lived out authentically.

We will not rehash all of the Card Talk, but we concluded by talking about Jesus’ “both/and Theology,” compassionately stated as, “I love you, now suck less.”

Jesus, “the fullness of grace and truth” (John 1:14;16-17) calls out the woman’s sin, but does not dehumanize her in the process. As we wrote in the aforementioned Card Talk:

The scribes and Pharisees came with the letter of Moses' law for ungodly purposes. Jesus responded with the law's spirit, which is full of grace ("I don't condemn you"), and the law's truth ("what you did was wrong, stop it").

This is important in understanding how Jesus lives out this sentiment that we throw around, but can’t live by. Notice how he addressed her

Jesus straightened up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, sir.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go your way, and from now on do not sin again.” (10-11)

To Jesus, this woman was just that, a person;

He addresses her as a human being, and then He talked about her sin, after NOT condemning her. And “hate” is never mentioned.

And perhaps there’s our formula.

Perhaps you should ask if you can see the person, not condemn them for their action, and speak to them, as a person, in love, before you say anything at all about the “sin” you’re bothered by.

And if you can’t? Perhaps you should STFU, or at least stop pretending that you’re “loving the sinner.”

But what do we know: we made this game (which you may think is a sin) and think we’re going to Hell.